Planning a Gujarati wedding, function by function

A Gujarati wedding is not one day. It is a run of small and large functions, some at the bride's home, some at the groom's, and a few that bring everyone together. No two families do them in exactly the same order. A Kutchi family, a Surti family and a Kathiawadi family may use different names for the same moment, and a Jain wedding differs again. So treat this guide as a common shape, not a rulebook, and check the details with your elders and your family priest.

Here is how the functions usually run, and what each one needs from you.

The first yes: chandlo matli and gol dhana

Chandlo matli is the formal acceptance of the match. In many families the bride's father visits the groom's home with a few male relatives, puts a red chandlo on the groom's forehead, and brings a matli, a steel container of sweets and gifts. The wedding date is often fixed around this visit.

Gol dhana is the engagement. Gol is jaggery and dhana is coriander seeds, handed round as a sign of sweetness and good fortune. The couple exchange rings and are blessed by married women of the family. Which family travels to the other differs from home to home.

What it needs from you: a short guest list of close family, sweets, and someone noting who brought what. The same relatives will be part of every function that follows.

The start of the wedding: mandvo and griha shanti

The mandvo, or mandap muhurat, begins the wedding itself. The family seeks blessings before the mandap goes up, and a wooden post called the manek stambh is often set in the ground. Many families hold it at both homes the day before the wedding; others hold it a few days earlier. A Ganesh puja usually comes first, to clear the way.

Griha shanti is a puja the priest performs for peace in the home and to settle any planetary concerns in the couple's horoscopes. It is commonly held at each home separately.

What it needs from you: the priest sets the auspicious time, so ask for it early and build the day around it. Give one person the job of the puja items. A short run sheet with times and names saves many phone calls that morning.

Pithi

Pithi is the Gujarati haldi. A paste of turmeric, besan, sandalwood and rose water is applied to the bride and the groom, each at their own home, while the women of the family sing lagna geet, the traditional wedding songs. The yellow is seen as auspicious and protective.

What it needs from you: pithi is usually a morning function for close family on each side, so it needs its own smaller guest list. Old clothes, towels and somewhere to wash up matter more than decoration.

Mameru

Mameru, also called mosal, belongs to the bride's maternal uncle, her mama. He and his family arrive with gifts: very often the panetar, a white silk saree with a red border, along with jewellery, white or ivory bangles, sweets and dry fruits arranged on trays. Some families hold it on the griha shanti day; others make it a ceremony of its own.

What it needs from you: the mama's family is the host for this hour. Agree the list of gifts with them in advance and note who is paying for what, so nothing is bought twice.

Mehendi

Mehendi often falls two days before the wedding: an afternoon of henna, songs and food. The bride's design takes the longest, and guests wait their turn for simpler patterns.

What it needs from you: ask your mehendi artist how long each design takes and how many hands they can cover in the time you have. Then plan the number of artists, and the order, around that answer. Elders and the bride usually go first.

Sanji, garba and raas

The evening before the wedding is often the sanji, or sangeet sandhya: songs, dances and a chance for the two families to get to know each other. It usually ends in garba circles and raas, danced in pairs with dandiya sticks. Many families mix folk songs with film songs and short performances by cousins.

What it needs from you: this is often the biggest crowd before the wedding itself. Leave room for circles, keep spare dandiya sticks, and count heads for this function on its own.

The wedding day

The groom arrives with the jaan, his procession of family and friends. At the entrance the bride's mother greets him with an aarti in the ponkhvu and playfully tries to catch his nose, a reminder to be humble. In some families he then breaks small clay pots on his way in.

Under the mandap the order varies, but a common sequence runs like this: the jaimala; madhuparka, the welcome of the groom; the antarpat, a cloth held between the couple until the auspicious moment; kanyadaan; hasta milap, the joining of hands; and then the mangal fera. Many Gujarati weddings have four rounds of the sacred fire, for dharma, artha, kama and moksha, with the bride leading the first three and the groom the last. Other families take seven rounds. The saptapadi, sindoor and the mangalsutra follow.

Many families then share kansar, a sweet of wheat, sugar and ghee that the bride's mother brings, and the couple feed each other. Today plenty of families use another sweet instead.

You may also see two sarees: the panetar from the bride's side and the gharchola, a red bandhani with a woven gold grid, from the groom's. Some brides change from one to the other during the ceremony; many simply drape the gharchola over the panetar.

What it needs from you: the wedding-day run sheet matters most. Write down the muhurat, when the jaan leaves, who stands where for the ponkhvu, and who carries the kansar plate.

Vidaai and after

Vidaai, the bride's farewell, is the emotional close of the day. At the groom's home, many families play aeki beki: a ring and coins are dropped into a vessel of water clouded with milk and sindoor, and the couple race to find the ring. Some families play it before the wedding instead.

Putting it together

Write down your functions in your family's order, with the date, the place and the time your priest gives you. Decide who is invited to each one: most guests come to the sanji and the wedding, while pithi and mehendi are often family only. Give every function an owner on each side, and keep one run sheet per function.

In Krama Events, choosing the Gujarati Hindu tradition when you set up your wedding ticks the usual functions for you, and you can add your family's own, such as chandlo matli or mameru, in one step. Each function has its own guest list, run sheet and checklist, and the budget records who paid: the bride's family, the groom's family, or Mama ji by name.

When you're ready, start planning: tell us your functions and dates, and the rest falls into place.